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Heeb Issue #14 : In the BeginningJewdar
Fall Of Hope
We are rapidly approaching that special time of redemption and renewal—we speak, of course, of the new fall television season. Once again, the network execs have somehow forgotten to solicit Jewdar’s opinion on the matter, but, given the spirit of the season, we are willing to forgive them of their transgressions and give it anyway. When it comes to Jewish characters in the new lineup, pickings are as slim as a Hamptons debutante. Darren Star has created Cashmere Mafia, being touted as a “thinking woman’s Sex and the City.” The show depicts four successful Manhattan women (three white, one Lucy Liu), none of whom seem to be a tribeswoman. On the other hand, NBC is also offering Eli Stone, which is about a high-powered attorney who sees the light and blah blah blah. Jewish name, job and stereotype, but we’re not going to be convinced until we see the bris. After all, this is Hollywood, where nothing is as it seems—even Zachary Levi, star of NBC’s new show Chuck, was born and baptized “Zachary Levi Pugh.” Our yarmulke is off to him for being perhaps the first actor who changed his name to make it sound more Jewish.
Kopellcetic
It is not normally our inclination to question the wisdom of big Hollywood studio heads. After all, if they can find some redeeming feature in Fully Poseable Racist Caricature Action Figure Chris Tucker, they are wiser than we are. But when we heard that a big-screen version of Get Smart was in the offing, we were this close to doubting them. Thankfully, it’s the time of the year to plead forgiveness—they are geniuses! Not only did they cast Steve Carell in the lead, but they brought living legend Bernie Kopell (Maxwell Smart’s archnemesis Siegfried in the original) back for a cameo. Bernie Kopell may not be the greatest actor who ever lived, but could Sir Laurence Olivier have gotten both Landers Sisters back to his cabin for some backgammon?
Jewdar Backslash
Like the Master of the Universe weighing mercy and justice, we at Jewdar are torn between two judgments on the new Halloween film. On the one hand, we’re not big fans of the whole slasher genre. (We thought we left Russia to avoid that sort of thing.) On the other, we have to admit that Rob Zombie’s work is about as good as Grand Guignol gets. Thankfully for the latest entry in the Halloween franchise, Queensbred kosher kutie Danielle Harris’ return to the series is just enough to put it in the plus column. For those who follow such things, she appeared in sequels four and five as Jamie Lloyd, and now returns as a completely different character. Despite Michael Myers’ desire to kill family members, Harris assures Jewdar that the slasher ain’t Semitic. “No nice Jewish boy would do what he does.” Too true, Danielle, the only thing NJBs should skewer are shish kebobs and celebrities.
Coenheads
While on the subject of cult classics, we at Jewdar will first state that we have great respect for any film in which one of the leads quotes Herzl and keeps Shabbos. That said, we feel about The Big Lebowski groupies the way we feel about taxidermists: We don’t really get the obsession, but we’re glad for it because we shudder at the thought of what these people would be doing otherwise. For those of you who have always wondered about the impact the film had on Tony Hawk, or want the sort of behind-the-scene-by-scene wisdom that usually requires a morbidly-obese celibate life to achieve, then I’m a Lebowski, You’re a Lebowski (Bloomsbury) is the book for you.
Milk & Honeys
Achad Ha’am wanted Israel to be a center of a Jewish cultural rebirth; Ben-Gurion wanted it to be a place where Jewish cops arrested Jewish prostitutes. This year, we at Jewdar will have to call it: Ben-Gurion 2, Achad Ha’am 0. Earlier this year, we saw the release of Assraelis, the first Israeli porn film marketed for the foreign market. Then Israel’s NYC consulate media maven David Saranga set up a photo shoot featuring women of the IDF that appeared in Maxim’s June issue. While some may see this trend as a positive thing, and while we ourselves are always happy to tout the Talmudic message that “all the daughters of Israel are beautiful,” we do wish to point out that if you’re going to desecrate the sanctity of the holy land with this sort of thing, there is a price that should be paid. Please contact the Heeb advertising office for that exact price.
We are rapidly approaching that special time of redemption and renewal—we speak, of course, of the new fall television season. Once again, the network execs have somehow forgotten to solicit Jewdar’s opinion on the matter, but, given the spirit of the season, we are willing to forgive them of their transgressions and give it anyway. When it comes to Jewish characters in the new lineup, pickings are as slim as a Hamptons debutante. Darren Star has created Cashmere Mafia, being touted as a “thinking woman’s Sex and the City.” The show depicts four successful Manhattan women (three white, one Lucy Liu), none of whom seem to be a tribeswoman. On the other hand, NBC is also offering Eli Stone, which is about a high-powered attorney who sees the light and blah blah blah. Jewish name, job and stereotype, but we’re not going to be convinced until we see the bris. After all, this is Hollywood, where nothing is as it seems—even Zachary Levi, star of NBC’s new show Chuck, was born and baptized “Zachary Levi Pugh.” Our yarmulke is off to him for being perhaps the first actor who changed his name to make it sound more Jewish.
Kopellcetic
It is not normally our inclination to question the wisdom of big Hollywood studio heads. After all, if they can find some redeeming feature in Fully Poseable Racist Caricature Action Figure Chris Tucker, they are wiser than we are. But when we heard that a big-screen version of Get Smart was in the offing, we were this close to doubting them. Thankfully, it’s the time of the year to plead forgiveness—they are geniuses! Not only did they cast Steve Carell in the lead, but they brought living legend Bernie Kopell (Maxwell Smart’s archnemesis Siegfried in the original) back for a cameo. Bernie Kopell may not be the greatest actor who ever lived, but could Sir Laurence Olivier have gotten both Landers Sisters back to his cabin for some backgammon?
Jewdar Backslash
Like the Master of the Universe weighing mercy and justice, we at Jewdar are torn between two judgments on the new Halloween film. On the one hand, we’re not big fans of the whole slasher genre. (We thought we left Russia to avoid that sort of thing.) On the other, we have to admit that Rob Zombie’s work is about as good as Grand Guignol gets. Thankfully for the latest entry in the Halloween franchise, Queensbred kosher kutie Danielle Harris’ return to the series is just enough to put it in the plus column. For those who follow such things, she appeared in sequels four and five as Jamie Lloyd, and now returns as a completely different character. Despite Michael Myers’ desire to kill family members, Harris assures Jewdar that the slasher ain’t Semitic. “No nice Jewish boy would do what he does.” Too true, Danielle, the only thing NJBs should skewer are shish kebobs and celebrities.
Coenheads
While on the subject of cult classics, we at Jewdar will first state that we have great respect for any film in which one of the leads quotes Herzl and keeps Shabbos. That said, we feel about The Big Lebowski groupies the way we feel about taxidermists: We don’t really get the obsession, but we’re glad for it because we shudder at the thought of what these people would be doing otherwise. For those of you who have always wondered about the impact the film had on Tony Hawk, or want the sort of behind-the-scene-by-scene wisdom that usually requires a morbidly-obese celibate life to achieve, then I’m a Lebowski, You’re a Lebowski (Bloomsbury) is the book for you.
Milk & Honeys
Achad Ha’am wanted Israel to be a center of a Jewish cultural rebirth; Ben-Gurion wanted it to be a place where Jewish cops arrested Jewish prostitutes. This year, we at Jewdar will have to call it: Ben-Gurion 2, Achad Ha’am 0. Earlier this year, we saw the release of Assraelis, the first Israeli porn film marketed for the foreign market. Then Israel’s NYC consulate media maven David Saranga set up a photo shoot featuring women of the IDF that appeared in Maxim’s June issue. While some may see this trend as a positive thing, and while we ourselves are always happy to tout the Talmudic message that “all the daughters of Israel are beautiful,” we do wish to point out that if you’re going to desecrate the sanctity of the holy land with this sort of thing, there is a price that should be paid. Please contact the Heeb advertising office for that exact price.
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