Heeb

The year is 2020—the massage parlors are empty. Millions of dejected prostitutes have gone back to school. And Hasidic Jews all over the world are achieving sexual fulfillment within the confines of their own homes. What could have possibly brought about this radical transformation? The full-on, fully loaded sex robot.

According to David Levy—author of Love and Sex with Robots and a veritable Alfred Kinsey of artificial intelligence—the blissful days of robo-sexing aren’t that far off. Kinsey estimates that the first sex robots will come to market before 2015, and will be so expensive we’ll rent them by the hour—like Segways or prostitutes, which these hooker-bots will gradually replace. And according to Levy, by 2050, robots will be clever enough for seduction, which means that robo-dating (or swinging) will also be a totally viable option.

“Science fiction really has no place in what I’m writing about,” says Levy. “It’s based in what’s happening right now.”

Levy points to Japanese brothels that offer silicone-skinned dolls complete with rudimentary electronics to better simulate life and the Honey Doll, a toy that promises to perform oral sex convincingly. As an added attraction, the doll talks and has a removable head, so that “you can enjoy a variety of faces with a single body,” according to the Web site.

Just imagine: cheating will become totally guilt-free—until robots inevitably become sentient and murder us all in a fit of heart-broken vengeance. Based on the glut of research on the horizon, there’ll be no shortage of options in the realm of robot lovers. The majority of ‘bots will come from Japan—see models like HRP-4C, a humanoid robot created by Japan’s National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology.

This mechanical maid- en has earned the nickname “Miim,” which means “Future Dream” in Japanese. And that’s just what she is—the fulfillment of the fevered fantasies of many a robot lover worldwide. (The National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology does stress that the ‘bot is solely for non-lascivious entertainment pur- poses.)

And then there are the hyper-realistic androids called geminoids, created by Professor Hiroshi Ishiguro of the Department of Systems Innovation at Osaka University. They have been coded to move, breathe and mimic facial expressions like a real human. Although science has yet to develop a robot that can carry on a convincing conversation, models like Ishiguro’s suggest that ’bots could be capable of talking dirty to you in the near future.

Now if only they came with a Shabbos goy for Friday nights.