Birth Control Pills: A Jewish Guy’s Secret Weapon
According to a new study in the science journal Trends in Ecology & Evolution, things are looking up for short and shrimpy Jewish guys. The study finds that hormones in oral contraceptive pills may make women less attracted to masculine men and more drawn to wimpy, boyish types. If this is the case, the "silent Holocaust" a.k.a. intermarriage (my Judaic Studies professor’s favorite topic) may be over. Now Jewish women lose interest in rippling abs and bulging biceps and start to find the nebbishy Woody Allens of the world irresistible. So saddle up, Jewy weaklings. Your time has come. Go forth and plant your seed. No need to worry about Tay-Sachs. After all, your lady is on the pill.
comments
submit a comment10.13.09 at 4:10 pm
Heeb, you have finally crossed the line. You have lost a loyal reader and I gotta say, it felt awful canceling my subscription, but I don’t feel comfortable supporting you racist, sexist, bigoted, self-hating losers any longer. You used to be witty and informative. What the hell happened?
10.13.09 at 5:10 pm
I agreed wholeheartedly with RachelSofia. There are so many things wrong with this tiny little blurb that I don’t even know where to start.
10.13.09 at 11:10 pm
he he, give seed a chance?
10.14.09 at 12:10 am
I’m not sure what the offensive part is…and nobody takes offense more readily (and happily) than I.
Is it the stereotype of the weedy Jewish man?
Have you nailed a Jewish boy lately? They’re generally either weedy and bookish or…well, let’s say “overfed”. It may be a stereotype but it’s not entirely rooted in fallacy.
In case anyone’s wondering I’m in the ‘weedy & bookish” camp :P
And seriously, burnt jew cookies didn’t do it for you but this did
10.14.09 at 3:10 pm
I don’t understand the outrage. This is, FWIW, the best news I have heard in a long time.
Clearly you people have a “No news is good news” policy.
I, for one, will pre-qualify dating candidates by finding out if they are on the pill.
In today’s tough economic climate, a man has to maximize outings, and I welcome all help in weeding out those chicks who are probably only looking for making new friends with the short and shrimpy guy, wasting our time and our cash.
Ladies, if you’re not on the pill, we can just be Facebook friends.
10.15.09 at 12:10 am
Can’t say I’m in the Woody Allen camp.
More of a Cope dippin’, Beer chuggin’, Tractor pull goin’ good ol’ boy that will not impress your parents, if they’re big city snobs.
If y’all feel like takin’ me home to your kin, I might dust off my Cowboy hat and promise not to spit a fat lip of Whiskey Blend on your mama’s carpet.
I guess you Ladies on the pill will just have to forgo the pleasure of screaming like a stuck Pig on my floor, while Ricky Van blares out the stereo, during a good night of breeding. Too bad.
10.15.09 at 3:10 am
Woody Allen…again.
Maybe, an example of nebbishness, who isn’t seventy five years old??
10.15.09 at 5:10 pm
Michael Cera?
10.15.09 at 5:10 pm
yeah!!!
12.31.09 at 1:12 am
Jesse Eisenberg.
02.23.10 at 2:02 am
Nice.
02.23.10 at 2:02 am
Boy did I enjoy this story.
02.23.10 at 2:02 am
Hard hitting journalism.
02.23.10 at 2:02 am
let’s see how many meaningless comments I can post!
03.10.10 at 9:03 pm
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