Heeb

If your insurance fails to cover mental health or you’re wary of trying out a new shrink, take comfort in Heeb‘s list of our favorite fictional therapists of all time. 

Dr. Finch in Running With Scissors: Yes, I know “the book version was SOOO much better than the movie,” but you can’t deny the brilliantly askew therapist played by Brian Cox. His prophetic shit were the only things in the movie that didn’t stink of American Beauty-isms.

Madolyn in The Departed: Vera Farmiga’s sultry police therapist is surely the cure for the Dr. Melfi complex that many have suffered since The Sopranos ended. While Farmiga’s Madolyn has been the subject of many of my perverse Freudian fantasies after she banged both her patients (Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon), my phobia of short leading men would keep me off her couch.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender in What’s New Pussycat? Peter Sellers’s performance, as a lecherous therapist, is really the only reason left to watch the poorly aging first feature written by Woody Allen. Well, that and the fact that it’s fun to remember what Peter O’Toole looked like before he resembled drunk diving victim Jacqueline Saburido.

Susan Lowenstein in The Prince of Tides: Getting through to Nick Nolte automatically earns any shrink a spot on this list, though to be honest if I was going to seek treatment from a therapist played by Babs then I rather see her as cougerlish sex therapist Rozalin Focker.

Dr. Leo Marvin in What About Bob? Don’t have insurance for your Prozac? Turn that frown upside down by watching Bill Murray drive his therapist played by Richard Dreyfuss absolutely insane.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs trilogy: In Silence of the Lambs, Dr. Hannibal Lecter mentally manipulated Jodie Foster and in Hannibal he gave new meaning to “getting inside your head.” However, his greatest accomplishment wasn’t until his third outing, in Red Dragon, when he helped guide Heeb editor-at-large Brett Ratner to his only well reviewed movie.