Heeb

Hormones are in the air at The Museum of Jewish Heritage. The lights dim as Dr. Ruth Westheimer prepares to take the stage. We’re all gathered here tonight to hear the legend talk and answer the audience’s pressing questions about (what else?) sex. And the crowd was filled with kipas. 

Dr. Ruth climbs into her chair, feet dangling above the floor, and speaks almost immediately, answering the first radomly pulled, anonymous question. The room goes completely quiet as the words "vibrating cock ring" slip from the doctor’s tiny lips.  

One might wonder if it is wise to take sex advice from an 81-year-old Jewish woman, but the lady knows her stuff. The Q&A proved it:

I have a very hairy penis shaft. Is this normal and does it make a difference during intercourse? 

A hairy penis shaft is normal and no, it should not make a difference during intercourse.

Does penis size really effect the degree of a woman’s sexual pleasure? 

Penis size does not effect the degree of a woman’s sexual pleasure . . . unless, of course, it is miniscule. 

Is a Brazilian bikini wax potentially harmful and does it really make an erection harder during intercourse? 

I am old-fashioned and a square. However, if Brazilian bikini waxing is an activity in which both consenting parties enjoy engaging in, I see no harm in it. 

Does circumcision actually make a difference in a woman’s sexual pleasure?

It is difficult for me to answer this because I am extremely Jewish, so for me there is no question. However, it really should not make a difference. If there is foreskin, it can be pulled back. 

Are cleavage and/or sex talk appropriate in the work place? 

No.

And the climactic question of the evening:

How does a woman know she has had an orgasm? 

Well, let me begin with some statistics. 5% of American women can simply squeeze their thighs together, think some erotic thoughts and have an orgasm. We will call these women very lucky. If you are amongst us, I ask that you not do this here. A third of all American women orgasm during sex. The remaining percentage need to work a little harder, to train themselves. I have worked with many women who have had trouble orgasiming and with much concentration, kegel exercises and intense therapy this can be overcome. I will say this, I refuse to work with women who are depressed and women who are alcoholics. So I have homework for you. When you are driving in your car, at every stop light, do some kegel exercises. No one will know you are doing them. And when the light changes, please wink at the person in the car next to you. 

It’s surprising how little these adults know about sex, but, of course, I am surrounded by Orthodox Jews. After all, we’re at the Museum of Jewish Heritage – A living Memorial to the Holocaust. 

Taking the R train home, I think about all I’ve learned, and how much my religious brethern need the unstoppable Dr. Ruth. And even though I’m not in a car, I give my fellow commuters the occasional wink.