Heeb

Last week, Gersh Gofman, 83, completely beat the shit out of Steve Pulwers, his 99-year-old neighbor in Borough Park, Brooklyn. Pulwers, a former Manischewitz winemaker and survivor of Stalin’s forced-labor camps, claims he only asked the younger gentleman to move his car before getting attacked with a "metal steering wheel lock."

Since Gofman also threatened to castrate the near-centenarian, he’s been charged with both assault and menacing. "He tell me in Russian he cut me in the balls," claims Pulwers. Gofman really should take a hint from another Brooklyn-born alter cocker: Professor Irwin Corey, who spends his time smoking grass instead of kicking ass.