Heeb

A few weeks ago, I took some foodie types to my new favorite San Francisco restaurant, ready to delight them with my neighborhood find. Sadly, the boss lady had the flu and when the cat’s away the mice will get stoned and fuck up your food. I’ll probably be back for the good eats, but it reminded me that even if you love the food someplace, bad or weird service can keep you away.

Leave it to the Japanese to solve that pesky little problem with a delightful new toy called the Deli Touch. I know what you’re thinking, and no it’s not a masturbation tool involving deli meats. It’s a high-tech gadget that lets you laserpoint your way through a menu, digitally transmitting your order to the kitchen so all your waiter has to do is bring the food to you. So there you go. Unfortunately, the Deli Touch cannot help you out when you get stoned and fuck up your own order. Nor can it help Danny Bonaduce with his little problem. (Sorry, I had to sneak that one in there.)