Heeb

Jewdar has spent entirely too much time in recent weeks addressing the dubious allegations (that’s polite for "lies") about Barack Obama’s secret Muslimitude, so we are not inclined to revisit the issue itself. But while pondering the stupidity of the notion that a cabal of Muslims would think to stealthily insert into the Oval Office a "secret Muslim" whose middle name is Hussein ("Foolish infidels, they will never figure it out"), we wondered what sort of secret Muslim they would try and sneak in. And then it occurred to us…

Imagine a man of impeccable WASP credentials, somebody whom nobody would ever suspect. One day, this fellow, whose work in the oil industry frequently takes him to the Persian Gulf and who was experiencing some sort of spiritual crisis, comes into contact with a charismatic Shiite cleric, who convinces him to secretly adopt Islam. What evidence would there be of such a decision? Not much publicly, except that this longtime party boy would have to quit drinking. More years pass, and he makes his way into the White House, where he tirelessly devotes himself to supporting Iran, the most important Shiite state. First he topples a fundamentalist Sunni anti-Shiite state to the north of Iran, then he topples a secularist Sunni anti-Shiite state to the west of Iran, then he spends years helping to bolster an unpopular Iranian president by engaging in a global game of chicken, even though he knows that Iran is not in fact pursuing nuclear weapons.

Of course, this is all just a joke… isn’t it?