Heeb

Sure, being in the American military has its advantages – namely, access to big, noisy killing machines – but it also has its drawbacks. Like street fighting in an Iraqi city whose name you can’t pronounce. Oh, and sand in your crack.

Consider an alternative: the Russian Army. Now is the best time to be a Jew in Russia’s armed forces since…well…probably ever. For Passover, they’ll be equipping Jewish troops with "provisions" (a shank bone?), "literature" (a haggadah?) and "actual physical help in koshering the home" (?). The worst that could happen: you’re stuck fighting Chechen militants in an elementary school. But at the very least there will be enough charoset to go around.