Heeb

...a Florida man wasn’t eating fresh at a Jacksonville Subway— he was getting fresh. After the sandwich chain left the sauce off of Reginald Peterson’s Italian sandwich he called 911… not once, but twice.

I don’t know what’s more upsetting: The fact that Peterson had a Class A freakout over a condiment, or that CBS News actually felt that this story deserved both a writeup and video, complete with the 911 recording and a straight-faced anchor roaming around the scene of the crime.

I smell a Pulitzer.