Eight Left Feet
Jews haven’t been able to make a name for themselves in the glitzy world of dance since the early days of the “Straight Up” dancer-singer-choreographer cum TV judge, crazy lady, and QVC maven. The ’80s pop star (and proud jewess), Paula Abdul, is officially being dethroned as the Jewish dancing queen by this season’s Dancing with the Stars cast, where a crew of Jewish celebs will try to prove there’s more to us than that effete circle-jerk known as the hora.
Cloris Leachman, 82, is the oldest, wrinkliest and, frankly, biggest name of the troupe. E! alums, Brooke Burke and Kim Kardashian will counter Leachman’s campy, geriatric appeal to bring us the T&A we’ve all come to expect. Rounding up the lot and providing South Park with more Jews-can’t-dance jokes, is the comic Jeff Ross. He’ll definitely be the one Jewish couch potatoes root for.
Too much Jew for you? Not to worry, Susan Lucci, Lance Bass and Toni Braxton will all shimmy their goyish asses onto the screen with the born-again Jonas Brothers set to perform on the September 24th show.
comments
submit a comment08.29.08 at 4:08 pm
This is not acceptable. Neither Kim Kardashian nor Cloris Leachman is Jewish. Kardashian’s Armenian, and Leachman is some kind of Midwestern WASP. Let it be known that this post definitely does not have the Jewdar hechsher.
08.31.08 at 12:08 pm
Cloris Leachman is both an Iowa native and a Jew. As for Kardashian’s father, he was OJ Simpson’s big lawyer and might as well have been a big Jew. We have to take what we can get here.
08.31.08 at 4:08 pm
What’s your evidence on Leachman, other than the fact that she was in some Mel Brooks movies? I think people make the same (erroneous) presumption about her that they do about Valerie Harper, and associate her with her characters or associates. Some websites list her as Jewish (and Jew Watch is notoriously inaccurate), some as presbyterian. Leachman is definitely not a Jewish name, nor one a Jew would likely adopt. Her family background doesn’t jump out as Jewish, so until I see some evidence (like what I provide below), I’m going with goy. I did just realize that her ex, George Englund, is a Yid, so I suppose some kind of conversion is possible, but I still want to see the evidence.
Saying that Kardashian was OJ’s lawyer and “might as well have been a big Jew” is meaningless. He “might as well” have been anything, including Armenian, which, in fact, he was. As for being OJ’s attorney, he was famously one of Simpson few non-Jewish attorneys. Here’s an excerpt from Jeffrey Toobin’s book on the Simpson trial:
“Almost everyone else knew one another. This was, as they sometimes joked, the West L.A. Jewish mafia. (Taft and Kardashian were among the very few non-Jews in the room.) “
And that big about “we have to take what we can get?” Gimme a break. We’re not talking about the Marines here; in the entertainment world, I think there are enough Jews that we don’t have to simply “take what we can get.”
08.31.08 at 7:08 pm
Why would being someone’s lawyer equate to “may as well be a jew”...‘cos we’re all lawyers and doctors aren’t we?? Oy, you sound like my mother :P
08.31.08 at 8:08 pm
Well then, let me re-phrase. As for Jews and dance, we have to take what we can get. While the entertainment world might be stocked full, the dance world boasts very few Jewish dancers, hence the South Park joke that Jews can’t dance.
08.31.08 at 9:08 pm
Taking what you can get is fine, when there’s some connection—that’s where the guy with the Jewish father or grandfather gets full admission. But simply grabbing people because their fathers are lawyers with Middle Eastern names or they were in Mel Brooks movies isn’t “taking what you can get,” it’s just making things up (and I know I’m being awfully pedantic, but I’m Jewdar, and this is what I do).
08.31.08 at 11:08 pm
I agree, declaring someone Jewish because they ‘sound Middle Eastern’ and they’re a lawyer seems a bit goyish to me :P